upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
