I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My Higher Power is John Stamos
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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