mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
