it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's shark week go big or go home
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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