An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
