She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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