You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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