i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
