there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
why is half of my head shaved?
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