Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
