I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
