Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
