I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
