Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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