if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize