Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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