ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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