I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
