she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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