He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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