You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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