omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
