i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
