Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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