I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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