dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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