Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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