she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i need some magic done to my vagina
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
