Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
