im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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