Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
