Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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