I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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