she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
