can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Drake has all the answers
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
