as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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