dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
