we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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