To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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