My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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