Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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