One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
