I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
