Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
