At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
