She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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