I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
