franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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