I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
