We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
