he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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