I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
