Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
