shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.