i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
okay pat passed out under dana's car
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.