I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Boobs speak an international language.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.