I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
