clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
