Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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