nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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