just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
