nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
