dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
