Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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