He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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