just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
